Hold On
by Sun Tzu
Summary: SydneyVaughn -Where will she go when she is lost? WIP Having problems uploading chapters...will be up asap!
1. 1

A/N: I'm not quite sure what this is, but I do know that it is the product of the first inspiration I have received since the early Common Ground days.... So please, tell me what you think. Tell me what you [i]see[/i]  
  
*  
  
A soft knock roused him from his daze in front of the television. Rising and stretching out his cramped muscles, Vaughn searched his brain for any clue as to who might be knocking at such a late hour.   
  
Unable to find an answer, he shuffled to the door, not even bothering to put on a shirt. Whoever needed to disturb him in the dark of night unannounced deserved to see him in his boxers.   
  
Vaughn made quick work of the lock and swung open the door to find a dark figure sopping wet. It was a woman, shivering and shaking and drenched to the core, no doubt.   
  
Sydney.  
  
The moment he figured out her identity, Sydney was in his arms. He pulled her snugly to his chest and nearly carried her inside. The door closed with a thud behind him, the rain shut out from his little world.   
  
In the light of the living room, Vaughn could see that Sydney was crying. Her face was blotchy and her eyes puffy.   
  
Vaughn set her down on the couch, rushing to the hallway closet for blankets and towels. When he returned, he found her curled up in a tightly constructed ball, still shivering somewhat violently.   
  
[i]What happened to you, Sydney?[/i]  
  
"Syd?" He came to her and kneeled at the side of the couch, blankets in hand. "Syd, tell me what's wrong. Please, baby, tell me."   
  
It never occurred to him that he was breaking the rules. He never contemplated his use of endearing terms. Nothing mattered, except for her.  
  
When she didn't answer, but rather attempted to muffle her sobs and hide her face in her arms, Vaughn pulled a towel from under his arm and wrapped it around her back. She lifted her head at this, meeting his eyes somewhat unsteadily.   
  
"Sydney. Please. What's wrong? Are you hurt?" There was so much remorse in his voice, she almost winced.   
  
"Please." She struggled with her words. "Just hold me." And sobs overcame her.  
  
She didn't need to tell him twice. In seconds, he was seated at her side, wrapping numerous blankets around her, followed by his own strong arms. She let him hold her, placing her head on his chest and breathing in his warmth.  
  
"I don't know what to do." He whispered into her hair. "How do I help you, Sydney?"  
  
"Just don't let me go. Let me stay, and never let go." 


	2. 2

Okay. I have determined that this takes place somewhere before Phase One. It's up to you to get exact, but at least I have a general direction.  
  
*  
  
Sydney awoke to the sound of singing birds. It was an odd feeling, waking up to find beautiful, rich, golden sunlight steeling a path through the curtains. What made the feeling even more peculiar was the strange but soothing sensation of Michael Vaughn's arms wrapped around her.   
  
To my surprise and my delight   
  
I saw sunrise, I saw sunlight  
  
I am nothing in the dark   
  
And the clouds burst to show daylight  
  
And that was when everything came back to her.   
  
Carefully, [i]regretfully[/i], unwrapping his arms from around her body, Sydney shrugged off the woolly afghan and dusted off her wrinkled clothes. They were dry, very wrinkly, and smelled just like....Vaughn. They would do for the time being.  
  
Sydney tiptoed into the kitchen area as silently as possible. If he did awake and find her doing what she planned to do, she might never be able to leave.  
  
Honey you are a rock   
  
Upon which I stand   
  
And I come here to talk   
  
I hope you understand  
  
Sydney grabbed a notepad from the countertop and a pen from a drawer. She scribbled her note, already planned out in her head, and went out the front door.   
  
But she defied herself. Broke her own rules. She looked back.  
  
[i]I'm sorry.[/i]  
  
**  
  
Vaughn awoke that morning utterly alone. [i]She's gone. Maybe it was just a dream, maybe I just imagined the whole thing.[/i] Making his way into the kitchen, Vaughn flipped the switch on his coffee maker and pulled a bowl down from the cabinet.   
  
And then he saw it. A note, undoubtedly written in her trademark scrawl.  
  
[i]Vaughn-  
  
I'm not sure how to say this, heck, I'm not sure how to do anything any more. I just need to disappear for a while. I'm sick of coming home to an empty house and crying because I can't remember what happiness feels like anymore. I don't know if you can understand, but I hope you will. Last night, when I came home, I just sat down in the middle of the floor because, for a moment, I couldn't remember who I was,...or what I was doing. I just felt like I had completely lost myself. I couldn't remember the date, my name, what color the sky was, or anything. I couldn't even remember how to breathe. I just felt so empty, void of any emotion or feeling. I didn't know what to do. So, I came here. To see you. And last night, when you held me, I began to think that I might actually be insane, because I'd just lost touch with everything. I was so scared.   
  
I don't know where I'm going. Just....away. Please let me go. Understand that I can only handle so much. I'm trying to escape this life. Let me go. I'm not sure if I'll come back...I might just stay away forever. I just know that I need to find myself. I need to find out what it feels like to live again. Understand that not even I am invincible. I'm not unfeeling. I'm just human. And I'm so lost it hurts to breathe.  
  
Yours,   
  
Sydney[/i]  
  
And the truth is   
  
I miss you   
  
Yeah the truth is   
  
I miss you so   
  
And I'm tired   
  
I should not have let you go  
  
Her note fell from his hands, drifted slowly to the carpeted floor, and stopped. And his heart stopped right along with it.  
  
[i]She's gone. You couldn't even save her. You failed her. [/i]  
  
Tiny, moist, clear droplets fell onto his empty hands. It took him a moment to realize that they were tears.  
  
Confusion that never stops   
  
The closing walls and ticking clocks   
  
Gonna come back and take you home   
  
I could not stop, that you now know   
  
Singing come out upon my seas   
  
Curse missed opportunities   
  
Am I a part of the cure   
  
Or am I part of the disease  
  
He falls to his knees and clutches his chest...his sides....his head...his stomach. Everything is spinning.  
  
"I could have helped you! I could have saved you Sydney!"   
  
The words leave his mouth before he realizes that they don't have meaning. Michael Vaughn is not allowed to know Sydney Bristow. Michael Vaughn is a CIA agent who always obeys protocol and never crosses the line with the agents assigned to him.  
  
Michael Vaughn cannot be in love with Sydney Bristow.  
  
I was lost, I was lost   
  
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed   
  
I was lost, oh yeah  
  
His house is eerily quiet. Empty. [i]She's gone for good.[/i] His coffee is burning, the bubbly sounds dying out as it finishes its cycle.   
  
He rises from the floor, the carpet leaving tiny indentations in his uncovered knees. Though everything is a little bit fuzzy, he manages to find the coffee maker and shut it off. Without blinking, he pulls a coffee cup from the cabinet. The chipped one. The one cup he tried to avoid for fear of cutting his lip on the jagged rim.   
  
And he can't even feel fear anymore.  
  
[i]She's gone[/i]  
  
He pours himself a full cup, a few droplets of condensation drip from the pot and fall onto the countertop.   
  
As he makes his way into the living room, he walks right by her note. It's still in its place, on the floor. He knows it won't be there much longer. He's hide it somewhere, in a place where it can be safe. Just for him.  
  
He'll go into work soon. Devlin will call a meeting when Agent Bristow, not senior, doesn't respond to several pages. Jack Bristow will be at the meeting. He won't look anyone in the eye, and it will be over in no time.  
  
[i]But she may never come back.[/i]  
  
Night turns to day   
  
And I still have these questions   
  
Bridges will break   
  
Should I go forwards or backwards   
  
Night turns to day   
  
And I still get no answers 


End file.
